Yes, it only comes once a year, and whether you want to spend the day trying to be spooky, slutty, or snarky, Halloween is great. I don't do the whole costume thing, I don't give out candy to trick-or-treaters, and I rarely get invited to the fun halloween parties. But that doesn't really matter to me. No, as a writer, Halloween has a special kind of draw for me and I'll take a bit of time (while freezing my ass off at a crappy motel) to type down the reasons.
1. The Atmosphere
Crisp fall air (snow this year), people laughing and showing off the threads that they'll only rock for one day, and the smell of pumpkin everything wafting through the air. It's just a fantastic day, and it's not hyped up for six months, nor does it overstay its welcome. (Yes, Christmas, I am looking right at you.)
2. The Stories
Oh, Hell yes. That's the only way to properly express the kinds of stories that come out on Halloween. A friend of mine was at a party a few years ago that wound up getting busted by the cops and they wound up taking his name down as the goddamned Joker. In the police report. And that's just one of the stories that actually happened. The best Halloween tales are the ghost stories that seem to crop up, fueling fever-dreams of haunted houses and restless spirits out for revenge. Urban legends come to life in a big way on Halloween night, and to hear the unique spin that some people put on them is nothing short of pure gold for a writer.
3. The Costumes
Like I said, I don't do the costume thing. The best you'll get out of me (on a good year) is a bathrobe and a towel while I loudly proclaim that I am Arthur Dent. And then I cry silently to myself when I realize most people don't read the Hitchhiker's Guide these days and have no clue what I'm talking about. (This year I'm going to put on a jumper and claim I'm John Watson from the new Sherlock series. Despite the fact that I look nothing like Martin Freeman, I am apparently forever doomed to choose him as my Halloween costume. Maybe next year I'll get fake teeth and go as his character from Wild Target.) Anyway, the point is, a lot of other people put a considerable amount of effort into their costumes, and the results are (pretty often) amazing.
4. The Candy
Yes, I am a grown adult male. No, that does not stop me from hoarding and devouring candy like a twelve-year-old every year on Halloween despite the fact that I don't go out trick-or-treating. Especially Reese's cups. I will devour those delicious bastards by the freaking POUND. And Halloween is the perfect excuse to do so.
5. The Parties
As mentioned earlier, I don't often get invited to parties on Halloween. Maybe it's because I don't have any fun costumes, maybe it's because I get a little too drunk every year and make a complete ass out of myself. The reason doesn't matter, because I still love to crash them, and I will continue to do so gleefully for the next several years.
6. Spoilsports
You know what a hard holiday to ruin is? Halloween. You know why? Because if you try to remind someone that Halloween is a corporate-fascist-evil-dictator-hullabaloo-ball-of-crap, you will be pleasantly remind to shut the hell up and take a shot. Who could possibly argue with that logic? I mean, Christmas can easily collapse into this debate, some people are really thin-skinned about the Zombie-Jesus jokes on Easter, but on Halloween you can actually DRESS as aforementioned Zombie-Jesus or Zombie-Santa, or even Zombie-Marie Curie. And NO ONE WILL CARE. BECAUSE IT IS HALLOWEEN. SO TAKE A SHOT. AND SHUT THE HELL UP.
7. Pumpkin
I cannot possibly stress my love for pumpkin enough. Jack-o-Lanterns, Pumpkin Coffee, Pumpkin Cheesecake, Pumpkin Pie... It never ends, and it is delicious. Pumpkin is the official smell of Halloween. In fact, I have my own theory that someone, somewhere, wherever holidays are codified, sat up one day and shouted "I think the world needs more pumpkins!" and to a rousing cry of "Hell yes!" Halloween was born, initially under the name "Pumpkin-time" but was later changed to get little kids to leave the house so adults could enjoy their pumpkin beer and scare the living crap out of them.
This is Rosenbloom, signing off.
